Some patients are just not the sharpest knife in the drawer...
Doctors and nurses have to deal with difficult and bizarre situations every day. Every day they fight the fight for their patients, often between life and death.
1. "Just because it says "contains vegetable extracts" on the side of it, a can of coke does not count as one of your five a day."
2. "Have had to inform a few male patients that the condom only goes on the shaft and should not be pulled down to include covering of the testicles."
3. "After putting a few stitches in a middle-aged guy's scalp, the family asked if he was ok. The attending doctor joked that his brain was still inside. The family were stunned by this news. I, the medical student, spent the next half hour informing the family that the brain was inside the skull and that a person couldn't live without one. They thought that the 'brain' was just a turn of phrase to reflect a person's common sense rather than an actual organ. Sort of the same as what they thought about the 'heart.'"
4. "My dad is a family doctor. A woman came in for a well-baby check with her 6-month-old and she had what looked like chocolate milk in the baby's bottle. So he started explaining to her as kindly as he could that she shouldn't be giving her baby chocolate milk at which point she interrupts him and says "Oh, that isn't chocolate milk. It's coffee! He just loves it!""
5. "Pediatric nurse here. I've told more than one parent that their infant should not be drinking Dr. Pepper out of their bottle (or any other vessel for that matter)."
6. "Viagra does not prevent STDs or pregnancy."
7. "I work as a pharmacologist and one of the patients we had at my company was complaining the cat allergy medicine we gave her wasn't working (formulated in an inhaler). Turns out she was spraying the inhaler on her cat. We have to explain to her that she needs to inhale it..."
8. "I'm a veterinary technician. I once had to explain to a frantic client that the ticks she had frantically been trying to remove from her male dogs belly with tweezers were actually his nipples. I also told her she had an extremely well behaved, patient dog."
9. "Another vet here... Dead bodies decompose! If you leave your dead dog I euthanized in the back of your car on the hottest day of the year, don't come crying to me when its belly fills with putrefying gases and bursts. Demanding I cover the costs of reupholstering your car might be considered a little rude as well."
10. "A hospital is open 24 hours a day 7 days a week for medical emergencies. So, the next time you have a stroke on a Friday, come in on Friday and don't wait for the weekend to pass!"
11. "A child cannot have inherited any genetic traits from someone the mother has previously been with. Only one man is the biological father."
It's hard to believe that such patients exist — enough to make us sympathetic the next time we see stunned-looking medical staff...!